Dear friends,
In the past ten days, since I posted my first letter on
Project Mavis, a few things have happened: I went to the gym today, I lost
3lbs, sent a job application to a publishing house and attempted to make sushi
with my friend Amy. Who took the very beautiful photo of the sushi ingredients
and you can follow her Instagram here. Finally the little community we built
has reached over 700 views!
Over the past few days I’ve been more honest with the people
I know, about subjects I felt ashamed by, one of which was about mental health
and my experiences with it. Which is what I want to talk to you about today, as
feeling shame about a disease (invisible to the eye or not) is something I
shouldn’t have felt, or you either.
In 2014 I moved to London, shortly after a bereavement,
wanting to start my life afresh (in hindsight I was probably running away). I
got job at well known cinema and was later moved to a coffee shop concession
due to my hard work. I loved it. I can’t pinpoint a moment in time when
depression started intruding in my life, it crept up on me slowly, I was tired
all the time and would routinely begin crying for no reason. I do remember
being in a house wares store, walking happily along with my trolley, a moment
later feeling like I was dying. I was experiencing my first panic attack, with
strangers around me, wishing there was a magic door to transport me to my
mother.
A little further into the year I was diagnosed with anxiety
and depression. I remember feeling so weak, angry I would have to take medication
and start a course of therapy. Eventually stopping both of these, without the
consent of the doctor and all at once. An action that caused my emotional
levels to plummet and led to a short visit to a psychiatric facility. NEVER
STOP YOUR MEDICATION WITHOUT SPEAKING TO YOUR DOCTOR!
I had attempted my own life, after having a particularly
good day, scared of what the next day would bring. I distinctly remember being
more upset about being in hospital than the actions I had taken. Realising how
bad I had allowed myself to become, the exhaustion and the work ahead of me.
The worst moment seeing the scared look on my mother’s face. The next few years
were hard work and still be can be. However there has not been a day since that
I am not greatful I was unsuccessful on that night. Imagine all the things would
have missed, the friends I wouldn’t have made and the family I would have Left.
If you are having concerns, about your own mental health or
a loved one, check out the nhs link below. If you are from another country
please leave the crisis line to your country in the comments.
Love from,
Mavis x
Love ya chick 🐣
ReplyDelete<3 love you too xx
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